"Here She Comes Now" by Nirvana which actually is a Velvet Underground song, is the the title of this work and song that played while I painted this. It just sort of happened.. but still this is in my opinion my best work from my time in Dubuque. This one is hard to explain without being alarmingly honest and dragging on. Out of nowhere this work came out of me, but was still thick with meaning. I found myself going back and forth thrashing at what is the background. The person in the painting is myself. I had an incredible overwhelming feeling that my head was full of information at the time. That I would soon be busting at the seems. I scratched and did all I could to get it out of my head to be cleaned but I ended up dropping out prematurely. Actually.. I never even cleaned up my paint brush when I painted this at all, I just added more paint to what I already had. It continuously got darker and darker as I tried to add more and more color down and towards the bottom left corner and finally to the mouth that howls from the mental pain. I like to think this parallels the idea that I couldn't let go of anything and I had to keep everything in my head, a hoarder of memory's and information. I constantly try to remember but I realize now the only reason I can't remember anything is because I try to remember everything. It hurts to lose everything in that way. It's as if I burnt myself out trying to create light in the dark I live in, and now I must wait for someone new to find me and give me a blank canvas so that I can start over the dark mess I made of my life into one in which I can be seen brightly by the world. I was a recluse, hiding from that world. But now I'm lost again, hoping to be found by someone with light so I can find my way out of this maze of life. In the end, this painting, and the feeling I explained, are both the explanation and the reason to why I dropped out of college.
